On The Road Again

I've been waiting for today for the last year. Tonight I will be flying out of Pearson International in Toronto and heading to Kigali in Rwanda for the 2015 Reflections on Rwanda Program. I can't wait to see our participants, passionate program leaders and captivating local partners through out the country. We have such an amazing program in store for these participants. From travelling across the country to participating in the 1st Annual Mini Summit (a program in partnership with students from the University of Rwanda), these next few days will be enriching, inspiring and fruitful. 

As a program leader this year, I am looking forward to returning to a country I fell completely in love with the first time around. I can't wait to be mesmerized by the country's beauty, reconnect with friends and partners and deepen my understanding of the country's past, present and future. I feel privileged to have the opportunity to return. I will update my blog as much as I can.  Here we go !

Expand Your World

I will be the first to admit that I have been a victim of this common view many people share at different points in my life. When we think about the world and our life specifically within it, we tend to have an unbalanced perspective. We begin to think that the life is greater than the world. And we begin to think that way, our problems, our perceptions and behaviours are based on a narrow understanding of what the world truly is. The world is a place we can never truly understand. Attempting to grasp the very essence of it is unfathomable and attempting to do so takes great courage. Although I believe it is difficult to truly understand it to the fullest, I do believe that expanding our world by expanding our mind’s parameters will allows us to see more of reality and less of the story our mind is creating. We change parameters in games, our professional life and our social structure. Why can’t we do it on a personal level, and even more on a spiritual and deeper level of the conscious and subconscious mind?

When we narrow our mind, our problems amplify. They consume us to the point where we begin to create fear, anxiety and stress. I use the word “create” because for as beautiful as the mind can be as a creative tool, it can also be destructive and detrimental to our existence. By expanding our mind by seeing the day, the present moment, for what it is, we begin to see how much the world has to offer. We see the love that surrounds us. We feel the energy that floats through the air. We begin to understand that the world is not a place to dread. It is a place that has beginnings and endings. And both are imperative to our growth as a person. I believe, that at one point in our lives, we all become victims of our narrowed mind. We allow ourselves to shutdown for a moment and sometimes longer and it paralyzes us. But I don’t think that we should hinder our lives for a mere moment of weakness. We should take a moment to realize that a limited mind creates the fear in our lives and brings negative thoughts in our conscious and subconscious mind, but it will never define us. Once we decide to expand our world by expanding our mind’s parameters to the rest of what is out there and what is actually present in our reality, we will realize we have won the battle against a temporary weak and narrow mind.

Anyone can have a narrow vision on the world but I truly believe anyone can expand it by allowing the mind to live in what is rather than what was. Because if what was, was actually meant to be, it would still be in the present. I believe that the universe has the ability to work with the mind and allow it to bring things into the world, which are supposed to be there. So, expand your world by expanding your mind’s parameters and whenever you become a victim of your closed mind, remember that world in reality is more colorful than a made up story you "create" in your mind. 

Stillness in Nature

Thus far, Chapter 7 of Stillness Speaks by Eckhart Tolle has resonated the most with me. The chapter is about nature and the stillness it has the ability to teach us. I think the reason why I appreciated these few pages is because I have had the luxury and pleasure of letting nature teach me some of the most valuable lessons in my life so far.

“You reconnect with nature in the most intimate and powerful way by becoming aware of your breathing and learning to hold your attention there. This is a healing and deeply empowering thing to do. It brings about a shift in consciousness from the conceptual world of thought to the inner realm of unconditioned consciousness.” (83)

I have always been an advocate for spending time outdoors. Not only are you enthralled by the world’s beauty; you also have the ability to cleanse stress, fear and anxiety you are holding within. One could say, it is free therapy. I have had the luxury of hiking through the Appalachian Mountains, climbing Mount Kilimanjaro, walking the Camino di Santiago and many other outdoor excursions. I would like to briefly share my story about my time on Mount Kilimanjaro because as the chapter explains, “Nature can bring you stillness. That is its gift to you. When you perceive and join with nature in the field in stillness, that field becomes permeated with your awareness. That is your gift to nature.” (86)

I remember the excitement I had telling people back home that I was going to hike the highest mountain in Africa. Little did I know, it would become one of my greatest achievements. I had the pleasure of climbing Mount Kilimanjaro with two very good friends and two guides. As a group of 5, you would think we would have plenty to talk about with 4 days ascending and 2 days descending. Well, the truth is, the majority of the time spent walking up the mountain was in silence. Of course the first few hours of the trip are filled with excitement and talking, but when the honeymoon phase passes, you are left with yourself among a vast and lush landscape. Your guides and friends are still climbing with you, but as time passes, you begin to become aware of the beauty that surrounds you.

Prior to my trek, I had just completed a genocide and reconciliation program in Rwanda, completed my first year in graduate school and had lived through one of the most chaotic years of my life. I knew I had so much to think about and 7-hour hikes a day would be just what I needed to reflect on everything. While my first few hours of silence were filled with the inner battles between my mind, heart, body and soul, I began to let go of what I thought I had to hold within. I began to surrender to the now. As I looked out into the most beautiful sites I had ever seen in my life, the problems, issues and thoughts I held within began to go right through me. It was as though I was a vessel for the feelings and emotions associated to my thoughts. When I let go of trying to figure out the past and my future, I began to feel inner peace and stillness like I never had before. I remember Day 3 of our ascent. I turned to one of my friend’s and said, you know what, I don’t feel anxiety or stress about my thoughts or losses anymore. I thought to myself, there is no need to own something that is no longer in my present. Of course, we make mistakes, we fall and we fail. But the greatest gift we can give ourselves is to forgive, get back up and live in the Now. 

Eckhart Tolle explains the following: “When walking or resting in nature, honor that realm by being fully there. Be still. Look. Listen. See how every animal and every plant is completely itself. Unlike humans, they have not split themselves in two. They do not live through mental images of themselves so they do not need to be concerned with trying to protect and enhance those images. “ (79) Looking back, I noticed that when I hiked without trying to figure out who I was and who I was going to be, I began to appreciate the present. I became aware of the moment I was in. The only person I was at that moment was the person who was climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. I learned to surrender to the present. When I tell this story, I try to explain how I felt by using the metaphor of the “runner’s high”. You get to a point that you are so present in what you are doing; it feels like you could live in that state forever. It is breathtaking and refreshing.

When I arrived to Uhuru Peak, I felt as though the world had stopped for me to really take a look at how powerful nature truly is, and I mean all of nature, including us. We are part of nature. We are one with nature. And when we come to realize that, we begin to transform our minds into conscious and aware entities. Uhuru means freedom in Swahili. The freedom I gained was releasing myself from the burden of my thoughts of the past and fears of the future. I could not hold either in my hands. The only thing I could hold was the present moment.

Nature is one of our greatest gifts. It is generous and abundant in all ways, all the time. The best part is that it is so accessible. Get up and go for that walk. Go sit in that park. Go hike that mountain. And remember; be present in what you are doing. Learn from the beauty that surrounds you. You come to realize that you are as powerfully capable of living the Now as nature has done since the beginning of time. And that my friends, is some pretty powerful stuff.

Focus on the “Who” Not the “What”

As many of you know, I am a big believer and reader of life books. You know the ones that are all about understanding the world and one's place in it. I am not necessarily trying to find more meaning to my own life but to life itself. I think there are layers of complexity that remain untapped by many in a lifetime. I seek to know more about life because I rather actively work towards understanding life more than existence.

I am not actively seeking what I want to be, but who I want to be. I think once I know myself on that level, everything else will just fall into place. We focus on the “what” we want to be because our society forces us to seek it actively on a daily basis. But if I could teach future generations one thing, it would be that you should actively seek the “who”. The “who” is who you are in every aspect of your life. You will make decisions more confidently. You will be an honest person to others and yourself. And above all, you will be happy within. I only know a handful of people that can truly say they know who they are without describing themselves as “what” they are.

I once heard a speaker say that it is better to live 30 years than to exist for 100. It resonated with me. To really live, is to actively commit to the now, the present moment. We are so accustomed to think about our past and our future and we forget that the “now” is the only time we ever truly present.

Eckhart Tolle explains this concept of living in the now in his book, Stillness Speaks. He states the following:

For most things in life, you need time: to learn a new skill, build a house, become an expert, make a cup of tea…Time is useless, however, for the most essential thing in life, the one thing that really matters: self-realization, which means knowing who you are beyond the surface self- beyond your name, your physical form, your history, your story. You cannot find yourself in the past or future. The only place where you can find yourself is in the Now.” (54)

There is so much depth to this notion that most people don’t dare to find out who they are because they are afraid to see how much beauty, inner peace and power they hold within. If you have the desire to really get to know yourself, do it in the now. Most people say, “I want to get to know myself”. Well, do it now. It is not something you can set aside as a future endeavour or project. Discovering who you really are, is living each moment and letting stillness set in through your awareness in the present. 

I know this post may not seem so complete, but that is because I am still discovering more what it is to be a “who” rather than a “what”. I will keep reading and seeking and when more thoughts seem to come together, I will share them with whoever wants to hear them or even better discuss them. For now, I go back to the books and the writing and hope that my complete and undivided attention to the “now” will lead me to greater awareness.

Let It Go

We tend to want to control every aspect of our lives. Whether it is building our professional careers or maintaining relationships, we tend to want to have a hand in every and anything we can. Although it may seem to be something that brings value to our lives, I think at times it can be quite toxic. I find myself being part of the group of people who deliberately desires to control everything in my life because I feel like I can get the desire outcome I want. But this is foolish and can put you in a vulnerable position. Let me explain.

I will be the first to admit the thought of not controlling something that is present in my life terrifies me. But I am beginning to understand that in doing so, you can begin to be your own worst enemy. You can begin to do things that go against your values and beliefs. People will start to see a side of you that is not so glamorous. You may appear unrecognizable when you look in the mirror. And in the end, all this control you desire can spiral out of your control even more, creating unfavourable circumstances and outcomes.

If you find yourself in a situation where you end up having more anxiety and fear than pleasure and joy, you must walk away and let stillness take the place of that control. I know what you are thinking and you are right. It is easier said than done. It takes courage to walk away. But in the end it will strengthen you. Lead yourself back to what you value in yourself, in others and in life. In the end, you will be wiser. It will empower you in so many ways, and in a way, you could be gaining a different and healthier type of control. So, let go. Tell yourself that you will be better off not controlling the outcome. I think that you can produce something better when you stop clinging onto an idea. Our minds have the ability to let things we have done define us. Our mistakes do not define us if we choose not to let them do so. When I am in doubt about a certain issue, I try to write 10 things that remind me why I am a good person and the values that I hold dearly are more valuable than the one thing I am trying to control. And this exercise helps tremendously. Let things just happen. Have faith that everything will work out the way it should. I am not saying to give up but just let things unfold as they may.

So next time you begin to feel like you are losing yourself in ONE thing, whether you are trying effortlessly to get a certain job or pleasing a certain someone, have the courage to humbly walk away. You may be surprise to see how everything works out.

Transitions: A Lifelong Commitment to Endings and New Beginnings

I have finally come to the end of William Bridges “Transitions”. It is interesting. We pick up books expecting to get all the answers to our questions. And to some extent we do, but we inevitably end up having new and more questions once we have come to an end. We tend to live in our daily routine, and very rarely take the time to truly sit down and reflect on the choices we have made, the lifestyle we embrace and the transitions that have brought us where we are today. Trust me, I am as guilty as the next person of not always taking the time to reflect. But what books like as "Transitions" does to me, is give me the opportunity to actively seek meaning and understanding out of my own life.

After reading this book, I have realized that transitions are inevitable. You can run away from endings but you are merely making the growth process long and gruelling. Of course some transitions will be less painful than others, but being able to understand that they are part of our development is key to accepting an end.

Towards the end of “Transitions”, I read the following line:

“Genuine beginnings begin within us, even when they are brought to our attention by external opportunities. It is out of the formlessness of the neutral zone that new form emerges and out of the barrenness of the fallow time that life springs.” (169)

We tend to seek new beginning based on our external circumstances but we cannot begin to embrace external opportunities without allowing ourselves to change within. We are less likely to respond to a new beginning with excitement and enthusiasm, if we do not spend some time in the neutral zone. And trust me, like I stated in previous posts, the neutral zone is not always easy or glamorous. It is a period of emptiness. I think we tend to believe that emptiness is a lonely and frightening place to be. But I believe that it is a time where you can truly seek what is within you. What is holding you back? What do you really want? These types of questions can be part of personal, professional or social transitions. I find it is imperative to go through transitions in life because it adds more depth to your existence. Personal development is what truly writes the story of your life. No one wants to read about the person who got whatever they wanted and never went through tough times, heart breaks or existential crises. So stop looking for that, and embrace what is in your “here” and “now”.

Whatever you may be going through, take time for yourself and reflect in the neutral zone. You will find that when a new beginning arrives, you will be filled with such excitement and readiness to take it on. “Genuine beginnings depend upon this kind of inner realignment rather than on external shifts, for it when we are aligned with deep longings that we become powerfully motivated.” (Bridges: 162) Embrace the process. By doing so, you embrace yourself fully and truthfully.

A Little More on Transitions

As I come to the end of "Transitions" by William Bridges, I am beginning to understand a little more about transitions and what they entail. The following line from the book resonated with me because the thought was so complete.

“It is when the endings and the time of fallow neutrality are finished that we can launch ourselves anew, changed and renewed by the deconstruction of the structures and outlooks of the old life phase and the subsequent journey through the neutral zone” (157)

There is a constant fluidity of endings and beginnings in our lives. They manifest themselves in our personal, professional and social life. Sometimes all three are in transition simultaneously and other times, it may just be one aspect of your life. But what is constant, is that the end is just the beginning. And between an end and a new beginning comes a state of neutrality. The neutral zone is where personal development takes place. It takes a great deal of courage to come to an end and allow yourself to live through the emotions and the process. But that's what the neutral zone is for. You will be challenged. It will not only always be easy but when the dawn of a new day comes upon you, you will be ready for it.

New beginnings are exciting because they are new opportunities. The beginning won’t always be glamorous but what is the point to even start something new if you aren’t willing to live through the nitty gritty of it all? I think what is important to remember is that the new doesn’t mean you are back into your rhythm of life. It means you have found a new rhythm, and this time you gained more instruments to your life symphony.

But when do you know when one thing has ended in your life and a new one has begun? Well, I am not quite sure. I can see how it could be something external that stimulates your mind, heart, body and soul. But I think the work is internal. I know that when a new idea or refreshing thought comes to mind, I am consumed by gratitude. It almost feels like I gained a bionic super power and that I can take on the world. Whether the source is internal or external, travel through this new beginning with excitement and willingness. It can be frightening but the things that terrify us the most, are usually the things we should take on. And yes, our past will sometimes challenge us and try to sweep into our future, but if you allow yourself to be in the neutral zone, a state of emptiness, than the temptation will dwindle away. 

As I come to the end of this book, I am aware that I have only touched the surface of understanding transitions and life. But I am happy to be enlightened and pushed to have fruitful thoughts on the matter. You are never too old or too young to embrace the comprehension of endings and beginnings. Understanding transitions is a constant lesson that life will test you on. But if you are willing to put in the work, the outcome is rewarding. I look forward to completing this book and sharing my thoughts with Znews readers. My hope is not to change your perspective on transitions, endings or beginnings, but to stimulate reflection on the matter.